The mantle of goodness

This morning I was lying in bed thinking about the day as usual, and was once again asked by the Lord what was bothering me. I was still thinking about goodness and suffering, and while I am more willing than before to believe that everything that happens to me is good, I kept imagining losing Kurt or my kids, and it felt so horrible.

At the moment of my confession to God, for just a moment, the red blanket I was lying under seemed to take on a divine quality. I knew God was helping me to understand something. The blanket spread over me in almost luxurious folds of soft fabric, and it seemed more like a king's mantle than my same old blanket. It was the mantle of a king who emanated goodness, and He had laid that goodness over me, over my life, as a generous gift. That goodness became my reality and felt total peace and joy.

For that moment I felt that nothing bad had ever or would ever happen to me. It was like breathing goodness or swimming in it. And yet after that fleeting glimpse ended, I said, "But Lord, it still hurts sometimes." Just then, in my mind, I saw myself walking with my son. His feet hurt and he was tired, but I knew we were going someplace truly wonderful. (I didn't have a specific place in mind and I don't think there is anywhere on earth that compares to the wonder and awe I perceived to be surrounding this Place, but maybe as a crude comparison we could say it was Disneyland). I could tell my son about "Disneyland" but he couldn't really understand, since he'd never been there before. All he knew was that his feet hurt, but I knew that if only he knew where we were going and what it meant, he would not think about his aching feet.

It is a timeless comparison, but it suddenly seemed very real and true to me. I had for a moment tasted the awesome goodness of God toward me, and experienced a taste of where those who call Jesus their Lord are headed. I hope I can keep that perspective in whatever comes. I pray that He helps me remember.